ryaca is broken

[LostKnight]

And there goes the snowball ...

Good to hear Ry.

[proto_nuke]

Now I just don't know where to go from here. I guess anywhere is fine. I'll leave this giant train wreck of a mess behind me. Still...I feel like there will be ghosts that will follow me.

Every day I wake up to a house without her. Everything I touch and see reminds me of her. Everyday is gets harder being here. Existing here everyday being haunted by her ghost.

[LostKnight]

Now I just don't know where to go from here. I guess anywhere is fine. I'll leave this giant train wreck of a mess behind me. Still...I feel like there will be ghosts that will follow me.

Every day I wake up to a house without her. Everything I touch and see reminds me of her. Everyday is gets harder being here. Existing here everyday being haunted by her ghost.

Where you go will come naturally, it will just happen. And yes there will be ghosts that follow you forever. Thoughts, sounds, smells, whatever that will remind you.

As for "the house" and stuff. Yes, that's hard! I dealt with "a loss of a loved one", it is hard.
Took my friends advice and moved and in the process some things went to Goodwill. The new walls helped and in a short time it was "my place".

[proto_nuke]

It's funny to me the irony of this situation. Ryaca used to be the ghost...now I am haunted by one.

[vasinta]

Every day I wake up to a house without her. Everything I touch and see reminds me of her. Everyday is gets harder being here. Existing here everyday being haunted by her ghost.

Gather any non necessary home stuff reminding you of her, and donate everything to a charity organisation or set up a yard sale or whatever mean you can use over there to get rid of "her" things.
If you can replace gone objects with your presonal choices, fine. Otherwise a minimalised home is IMO better than being surrounded by painful memories.

[proto_nuke]

Every day I wake up to a house without her. Everything I touch and see reminds me of her. Everyday is gets harder being here. Existing here everyday being haunted by her ghost.

Gather any non necessary home stuff reminding you of her, and donate everything to a charity organisation or set up a yard sale or whatever mean you can use over there to get rid of "her" things.
If you can replace gone objects with your presonal choices, fine. Otherwise a minimalised home is IMO better than being surrounded by painful memories.

Thank you vasinta for your advice. You'll never know how much I appreciate your kindness especially when in the past I wasn't kind to you. That tells me a lot about your character and about who you are as a person. I will follow your advice but it may take some time because it is too painful to get rid of her things or even touch them. One of our wedding pictures still sits on our bookcase mocking me. We look so happy in that photo gazing into each other's eyes. I don't have the courage or the strength to put that photo away. I keep clinging to this false hope that she may come back and that I need to keep our home exactly the way she left it. I am so desperate and confused. I am so pathetic.

[Lestat]

Again Ry I remind you, You are human.. we feel, we regret,we hurt,we heal...these are normal. I know from personal experience how u feel. But slowly,hard at first you will heal. I know it doesn't feel that way now.

Let me try to use FT an an example.

Marriage(relationships) is(are) like building a tower.. At first your excited and full of life, then u have to put work into it to get it how u want. If u don't keep up the work or only work on it as u feel like, it never grows stronger. Then for no reason, u get up and BAM, it's gone.. this is where u have to make a choice, you can sit and say if I did this, if I did that this wouldn't have happened..(great to look and see the mistakes, but wrong to dwell on this only). Or you chose to learn from the mistakes and build back up again. This is how we become stronger and learn. Without failures, we can never know success. The pain will remain of the loss, but u will be remembered for how u dealt with the loss. You get to choose. Will you overcome and show greatness ? or will you let it eat at you and ruin any chances of a better experience next time ?

I hope you can battle your demons. We can't fight this with you, we can however be the support you need.

[proto_nuke]

Thank you Lestat. You are right. I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Right now it's too frightening to look too far into the future and it hurts like hell to look to the past. I have never trusted anyone so completely as I trusted her. I told her things about my life and past that I have never told anyone. I trusted her with every fiber of my being. Now she never did me wrong and it was the nicest break up that I have ever experienced. We grew apart but I was too wrapped up in my own life to see it. But how could I ever trust anyone again? I don't want to feel this pain anymore or ever again. Maybe this will be the thing that destroys me forever. Maybe I'm not strong enough to ever fully recover.

I haven't used drugs or alcohol since 2008 and I've accomplished so many things that I never would have thought possible before my recovery but I'll be damned if I don't know h how to handle this or where to go from here. I used to believe that I was indestructible and that I had all of the answers and I lived my life that way for years.

I know that people go through break ups every day and that I am nothing special but this is not easy for me.

Now I know the truth. I don't know anything. Now I struggle just to get out of bed and make it through the day. She destroyed me. I am weak. If I do get through this and make it out the other side, I can never allow this to happen again. I can never allow someone to get inside and rip me apart ever again.

I have a new motto. A new life philosophy. It is what it is.

DON'T TRUST ANYONE.

I guess I should be focusing on the fact that I own my own home and have all my bills payed off and that she isn't disputing any of that and she said I could have the house and all the belongings.

I may as well live alone. I can do bad all by myself. I don't need anyone else to help me with that.

[madmaniacal1]

This is all i can say...


viewtopic.php?f=12&t=15082&p=93122#p93122

[LostKnight]

AWESOME MM!