I must face myself

As the description says!

Moderator: Game Administrators

User avatar
ryaca_
Posts: 1277
Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2019 4:32 am

I must face myself

Post by ryaca_ » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:02 pm

When I think of the great GM's of FT like MadMikael, Blitzcraig, Ardesia, dahobbit, LordSeth, kromel, witch, Akkiles, Arashiko to name a few(I know there are many more great GM's that I forgot to mention and you can post their great names in this thread if you like so that they are not forgotten), I think of all of the great qualities that they possessed and still possess: Honor, Loyalty, Trustworthiness, Honesty, Patience, Compassion, Fairness, Fortitude, Humility, Sincerity, Temperance, and Kindness.

When I look at these qualities and truly reflect on them, I realize that I possess none of these. In fact I am not the right person to be a GM in any shape, form, or fashion. I believe that every player if they truly searched their hearts would see that I am not suitable to be a GM. If every player looked at all of my past behavior and actions as a GM and as a player and forum user they would see that I am not a good person at all.

I cannot handle the power that I have been granted as a GM. I have done a lot of wrong in my life and am a bad man. When I first became GM I was being delusional to think that I could ever be good enough to be a GM. I believed a lie that I told myself that I could even hold a candle to any of the past GM's. The truth is that I am not capable of being what I am not. If there was an open position to be an Evil GM then I believe that I would fit the bill completely but I must not fool myself...I cannot be something that I am not. As much as I have wanted to believe in my life that I can be a good person, I have to face the truth about myself. I cannot pretend anymore. The current GM team has enough to deal with without having to deal with the fallout of my BS when I anger the FT community with my actions.

I remember a conversation with blitzcraig that I had a very long time ago when he told me that he had never seen anyone so completely and utterly broken. He was referring to me and he was so completely and utterly right. I also remember a time when I publicly and verbally attacked MadMikael on these forums and was very nasty and mean to him and he did not get angry and he even forgave me for being an idiot and not a very good example of what a human being should be. He did this because he is a great person and a great example of what a decent human being should be. I will never forgive myself for the mean things that I said to him.

A long time ago, my wife realized that all that I am is a pretender and full of empty promises that I could never truly live up to. She realized that I was truly not the person that I made myself out to be early in our relationship. She realized that I truly was evil. She realized that I was fake and false. She knew that as much as I wanted to, I could never truly change what I am inside...a monster. She left and she was right in doing so. Any person in my entire life that has spent any considerable amount of time with me has also realized this and they all eventually get as far away from me as they possibly can. They do this because they see the truths through the lies. They eventually see me for what I truly am. They eventually see the truth.

I used to abuse alcohol and drugs for years but I have been sober for many years now but that did not fix me. Even sober my mind is a twisted mess and I am surprised that I have even lived this long and am truly surprised that no one has killed me yet. Being sober has only made things clearer for me. Being sober has only made me understand how truly corrupt that I am. I will never go back to using drugs or alcohol again because I at least have control over my actions when I am sober. I can keep the twistedness down inside myself and keep it at bay.

My advice to you is that if you ever see me in the game on my main account, you should keep your distance from me. I can only bring pain and misery and suffering and bad things into your life. I am poison. I am broken. I am a train wreck. The hurt that I have caused during my lifetime is vast. The suffering that I have caused is too much to count. I am the bottom of the barrel. As an animal, the only thing that I truly understand about this world is survival. That is the only thing that I am good at. I am only good at taking care of myself. Some legacy, huh?

I am officially stepping down from the GM team and am truly sorry for any trouble that I have brought on the GM team. All of the people that have made up the GM team in the past and present are great people that should be admired for their admirable qualities. I unfortunately am not an admirable person that possesses admirable qualities. I am a scourge.

I will still log in from time to time on my main account Ryaca_1 to fish and to craft and quest but I will no longer log into my GM account or my GM forum account. I will still check my Storms7 forum account.

I thought that I could help this great game that I know and love but I was wrong. I am a failure. I have failed.
User avatar
Hary61827
Posts: 52
Joined: Sat Dec 05, 2015 9:20 am

Re: I must face myself

Post by Hary61827 » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:18 pm

Nie podawaj się tak łatwo !!!!
Pomyśl o tym co chciałeś zrobić i zmienić na początku i dokonicz to co robiłeś!!!
User avatar
Leone
Posts: 3921
Joined: Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:00 am
Location: Ashdown Village

Re: I must face myself

Post by Leone » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:24 pm

For what it's worth, I believe you are doing yourself a great disservice and being overly critical of yourself. I personally have found you to be the complete opposite to the person that you describe yourself as.

Admitting to us and, more importantly, to yourself that you believe that you have flaws shows a certain strength of character, and is a huge positive rather than a negative.

I think it's a big shame that you're stepping down as GM, but then I'm not you and you have to do what feels right for yourself.

I have great respect for everyone who has been a GM. Every GM has brought something different to the team. All have given up their time for us players and deserve our gratitude, and that's you included.

Finally, with all due respect, I for one will not be avoiding you ingame:)

Take care, mate.
User avatar
generous11
Posts: 347
Joined: Sat Apr 08, 2017 3:06 pm
Location: Lebanon
Contact:

Re: I must face myself

Post by generous11 » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:37 pm

no man. Don't say that youre worthless.
every mistake is forgivable. just never give up repairing it.

even if the world would hate you for that. at least your beloved people will be happy for you!

Dont ever say that. I am fearless of talking to your type of character. because of my good heart. I didnt got the good time to meet you. but as a human being its a duty for me to help anybody asking for.

best regards.
super arch

Clan: [-LPC]

"nothing is impossible unless you said that"
User avatar
Barkley
Posts: 416
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:12 pm
Location: Slovenia

Re: I must face myself

Post by Barkley » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:39 pm

Reading that is wery hard to read. And I do not know much of you. The first action I thought about was complaing about you lieing about saying that you're worse than you are. I do not know you a ton nor do I see ANY issue you claim to have made.

You may consider yourself as eavil and I don't have much to say sine I don't know you a ton but... Is this a joke? A bad GM? I think form helping the players, making a post about how to send a proper report...to informing me and mabye Evan others about bad language I literally did not notice in my posts.

I'm struggling to find out what to Evan say. What was the "evil" bit you're talking about? Yah sure you made mistakes but EVRYONE DOES THOSE!!!
You said before that only you and witch are active GM's. That's awesome for the players and not eavil!

As I don't know what to say I'll do this and send it. Stop! What bad are you doing? Yes I know you're wery wery evil. You reply to people with things they need help for that they can't do themselves. To my knowledge that is nor evil.

Do not take my opinion as an aggressive message, everyone can have their own opinion.
My suggestions;New clan rank: Mayor,Multiple house owners,Outlaw,More friends list space (the texts are links).
User avatar
Barkley
Posts: 416
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:12 pm
Location: Slovenia

Re: I must face myself

Post by Barkley » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:41 pm

Leone wrote:
Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:24 pm
For what it's worth, I believe you are doing yourself a great disservice and being overly critical of yourself. I personally have found you to be the complete opposite to the person that you describe yourself as.

Admitting to us and, more importantly, to yourself that you believe that you have flaws shows a certain strength of character, and is a huge positive rather than a negative.

I think it's a big shame that you're stepping down as GM, but then I'm not you and you have to do what feels right for yourself.

I have great respect for everyone who has been a GM. Every GM has brought something different to the team. All have given up their time for us players and deserve our gratitude, and that's you included.

Finally, with all due respect, I for one will not be avoiding you ingame:)

Take care, mate.
Completely agree.
Do not take my opinion as an aggressive message, everyone can have their own opinion.
My suggestions;New clan rank: Mayor,Multiple house owners,Outlaw,More friends list space (the texts are links).
User avatar
Barkley
Posts: 416
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:12 pm
Location: Slovenia

Re: I must face myself

Post by Barkley » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:54 pm

You are a lire. But not a lire to others a lire to yourself. You absolutely cannot tell me or anyone else that you have done NOTHING and are not to be remembered. You are literally the only person here that thinks you're bad!

If it is your opinion that you are not honerable or rememberable than just do this:

Make a space anywhere at spaawn. Make a small graveyard with flowers. And it saying:

"You're work shall never be forgotten. Rest in peace. GM Ryaca"

And a npc with your skin next to it. Just do it. It's the minimum you dersvere.
Last edited by Barkley on Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Do not take my opinion as an aggressive message, everyone can have their own opinion.
My suggestions;New clan rank: Mayor,Multiple house owners,Outlaw,More friends list space (the texts are links).
User avatar
Hary61827
Posts: 52
Joined: Sat Dec 05, 2015 9:20 am

Re: I must face myself

Post by Hary61827 » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:55 pm

Bądź bohaterem dla wszystkich i się nie podawaj
User avatar
SellSword
Posts: 3192
Joined: Tue Aug 29, 2017 11:16 pm
Location: Ardesia

Re: I must face myself

Post by SellSword » Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:43 pm

Despite how you felt about yourself you were still willing to try. You'd see yourself as falling down so you'd pull yourself back up and try again.

Some people fall down and don't have the will to try again, but you did.

Some people lack the courage to try in the first place, but you did not.

I'd say take some time away from the constant whining, complaints, and demands. There are loads of players who appreciate what GMs do, and probably the majority of players at that, but those players do not come anywhere even close to the very vocal minority that make things difficult for GMs. Think about what you enjoy about FT, what you enjoyed about being a GM, and what you did not enjoy about being a GM.

Should you decide that you want to be a GM again we all know you have the will and the courage to do it, and you know you have the appreciation of most players. Until that time, enjoy a vacation.
Warriors are not the ones who always win, but the ones that always fight.
User avatar
Barkley
Posts: 416
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:12 pm
Location: Slovenia

Re: I must face myself

Post by Barkley » Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:46 pm

SellSword wrote:
Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:43 pm
Despite how you felt about yourself you were still willing to try. You'd see yourself as falling down so you'd pull yourself back up and try again.

Some people fall down and don't have the will to try again, but you did.

Some people lack the courage to try in the first place, but you did not.

I'd say take some time away from the constant whining, complaints, and demands. There are loads of players who appreciate what GMs do, and probably the majority of players at that, but those players do not come anywhere even close to the very vocal minority that make things difficult for GMs. Think about what you enjoy about FT, what you enjoyed about being a GM, and what you did not enjoy about being a GM.

Should you decide that you want to be a GM again we all know you have the will and the courage to do it, and you know you have the appreciation of most players. Until that time, enjoy a vacation.
Agreed. Well said.
Do not take my opinion as an aggressive message, everyone can have their own opinion.
My suggestions;New clan rank: Mayor,Multiple house owners,Outlaw,More friends list space (the texts are links).
Post Reply