I must face myself

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Gullander
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Re: I must face myself

Post by Gullander » Sun Jun 28, 2020 6:48 pm

I too am evil. I don't deserve to exist. I am self centered. I am capable of anything if the circumstances would come my way. But...

I am a penitent. I see the cesspool but I know there is a way out. I must choose it and live with a penitent heart.

There are two dangers. False pride and false condemnation. False pride says I am ok no matter what. False condemnation says I am bad no matter what.

The first step of the penitent is to bow and see who he really is. The second is to keep hope intact and neither let false pride or false condemnation rule. The third believe in your ability as a penitent to change for the good.

As long as I have known you I have known you as a penitent because you have seen but still tried. I hold great hope for you!
"Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly!" G K Chesterton
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Syor
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Re: I must face myself

Post by Syor » Sun Jun 28, 2020 6:52 pm

Not all mistakes can be cleared, but you've already learned from them, and that's a good step forward


But you did well to drop GM.


You must first find yourself.

I can tell you that you are a good GM, that you have always been kind to me, but the really important thing is what you think of yourself. And not what I think of you.


Make peace with yourself first, ask for help if necessary, and when I would straighten your way, I am convinced that the GMs will welcome you with open arms.


From my heart, I wish you much luck, and be strong.
Freya Syor
Sword Syorina

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Death | It is an art, like anything else | I give it in an exceptional way | I do it that looks like hell | I do it that looks real. | You will admit that I have a vocation
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merisajan
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Re: I must face myself

Post by merisajan » Sun Jun 28, 2020 9:05 pm

🤔what happened 🤔
sorry i can't write good
but i just can write it
(be happy and forget bad happened
why bothering your self for pass?)
come play and have fun 🙂🌺🌸🌺
.
Where you go I go
What you see I see
I know I'd never be me
Without the security
Of your loving arms
Keeping me from harm
Put your hand in my hand
And we'll stand
hungry_wolf
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Re: I must face myself

Post by hungry_wolf » Sun Jun 28, 2020 9:24 pm

ryaca_ wrote:
Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:02 pm
When I think of the great GM's of FT like MadMikael, Blitzcraig, Ardesia, dahobbit, LordSeth, kromel, witch, Akkiles, Arashiko to name a few(I know there are many more great GM's that I forgot to mention and you can post their great names in this thread if you like so that they are not forgotten), I think of all of the great qualities that they possessed and still possess: Honor, Loyalty, Trustworthiness, Honesty, Patience, Compassion, Fairness, Fortitude, Humility, Sincerity, Temperance, and Kindness.

When I look at these qualities and truly reflect on them, I realize that I possess none of these. In fact I am not the right person to be a GM in any shape, form, or fashion. I believe that every player if they truly searched their hearts would see that I am not suitable to be a GM. If every player looked at all of my past behavior and actions as a GM and as a player and forum user they would see that I am not a good person at all.

I cannot handle the power that I have been granted as a GM. I have done a lot of wrong in my life and am a bad man. When I first became GM I was being delusional to think that I could ever be good enough to be a GM. I believed a lie that I told myself that I could even hold a candle to any of the past GM's. The truth is that I am not capable of being what I am not. If there was an open position to be an Evil GM then I believe that I would fit the bill completely but I must not fool myself...I cannot be something that I am not. As much as I have wanted to believe in my life that I can be a good person, I have to face the truth about myself. I cannot pretend anymore. The current GM team has enough to deal with without having to deal with the fallout of my BS when I anger the FT community with my actions.

I remember a conversation with blitzcraig that I had a very long time ago when he told me that he had never seen anyone so completely and utterly broken. He was referring to me and he was so completely and utterly right. I also remember a time when I publicly and verbally attacked MadMikael on these forums and was very nasty and mean to him and he did not get angry and he even forgave me for being an idiot and not a very good example of what a human being should be. He did this because he is a great person and a great example of what a decent human being should be. I will never forgive myself for the mean things that I said to him.

A long time ago, my wife realized that all that I am is a pretender and full of empty promises that I could never truly live up to. She realized that I was truly not the person that I made myself out to be early in our relationship. She realized that I truly was evil. She realized that I was fake and false. She knew that as much as I wanted to, I could never truly change what I am inside...a monster. She left and she was right in doing so. Any person in my entire life that has spent any considerable amount of time with me has also realized this and they all eventually get as far away from me as they possibly can. They do this because they see the truths through the lies. They eventually see me for what I truly am. They eventually see the truth.

I used to abuse alcohol and drugs for years but I have been sober for many years now but that did not fix me. Even sober my mind is a twisted mess and I am surprised that I have even lived this long and am truly surprised that no one has killed me yet. Being sober has only made things clearer for me. Being sober has only made me understand how truly corrupt that I am. I will never go back to using drugs or alcohol again because I at least have control over my actions when I am sober. I can keep the twistedness down inside myself and keep it at bay.

My advice to you is that if you ever see me in the game on my main account, you should keep your distance from me. I can only bring pain and misery and suffering and bad things into your life. I am poison. I am broken. I am a train wreck. The hurt that I have caused during my lifetime is vast. The suffering that I have caused is too much to count. I am the bottom of the barrel. As an animal, the only thing that I truly understand about this world is survival. That is the only thing that I am good at. I am only good at taking care of myself. Some legacy, huh?

I am officially stepping down from the GM team and am truly sorry for any trouble that I have brought on the GM team. All of the people that have made up the GM team in the past and present are great people that should be admired for their admirable qualities. I unfortunately am not an admirable person that possesses admirable qualities. I am a scourge.

I will still log in from time to time on my main account Ryaca_1 to fish and to craft and quest but I will no longer log into my GM account or my GM forum account. I will still check my Storms7 forum account.

I thought that I could help this great game that I know and love but I was wrong. I am a failure. I have failed.
C'mon Ry, your temper has never been a prob and who knows you accepts both sides. You re doing a decent work and your efforts are appreciate. Anyway, a good gm must be severe, and in my opinion your temper makes you more real.
I like you remain gm, ghost :)
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Storms7
Posts: 427
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Re: I must face myself

Post by Storms7 » Mon Jun 29, 2020 7:29 pm

The great deceiver known to all men
Life consumer, the one unseen
Poison running through my veins
A static mind, no control
Rules my every move

Nothing feels right
Pushed to the edge
Have I lost it all
I am about to break

Living a constant lie
My emotions have me paralysed
I need a remedy
Make me whom I supposed to be
Is it too late for regrets

Look in the mirror
Don't recognise what I see
The life in me is gone
Fear tormenting me
Guilt won't left me be
Feeling useless, invisible to the world

The undecided truth
I am the pretender
Living the lie concealing the truth
The great deceiver know to all men
Life consumer, the one unseen

When a man lies he murders some part of the world
These are the pale deaths which man miscall their lives
All this I cannot bear to witness any longer
Cannot the kindom of salvation take me home?
OK MAYBE I WILL USE THIS ACCOUNT EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE
hungry_wolf
Posts: 662
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Location: Italy

Re: I must face myself

Post by hungry_wolf » Mon Jun 29, 2020 7:51 pm

Storms7 wrote:
Mon Jun 29, 2020 7:29 pm
The great deceiver known to all men
Life consumer, the one unseen
Poison running through my veins
A static mind, no control
Rules my every move

Nothing feels right
Pushed to the edge
Have I lost it all
I am about to break

Living a constant lie
My emotions have me paralysed
I need a remedy
Make me whom I supposed to be
Is it too late for regrets

Look in the mirror
Don't recognise what I see
The life in me is gone
Fear tormenting me
Guilt won't left me be
Feeling useless, invisible to the world

The undecided truth
I am the pretender
Living the lie concealing the truth
The great deceiver know to all men
Life consumer, the one unseen

When a man lies he murders some part of the world
These are the pale deaths which man miscall their lives
All this I cannot bear to witness any longer
Cannot the kindom of salvation take me home?
Satan's song?
Sword dislike sieging
Dwarf dislike mining
Archer dislike crafting
Ogre dislike fishing
Mage dislike magic
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Mirt
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:54 pm

Re: I must face myself

Post by Mirt » Mon Jun 29, 2020 8:04 pm

It is impossible to live in the past difficult to live in the present and a waste to live in the future.
Frank Herbert, Dune


Hurry Back Soon!
RESPECT, TRUST, Loyalty, FRIENDSHIP is all EARNED.

BUT can be destroyed by ONE ACTION
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Leone
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Location: Ashdown Village

Re: I must face myself

Post by Leone » Mon Jun 29, 2020 8:52 pm

I recognise that very last line as Metallica. Forget the song, but I'll guess it's from Ride the Lightning (or maybe Master of Puppets).
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Barkley
Posts: 371
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:12 pm
Location: Slovenia

Re: I must face myself

Post by Barkley » Mon Jun 29, 2020 9:09 pm

Storms7 wrote:
Mon Jun 29, 2020 7:29 pm
The great deceiver known to all men
Life consumer, the one unseen
Poison running through my veins
A static mind, no control
Rules my every move

Nothing feels right
Pushed to the edge
Have I lost it all
I am about to break

Living a constant lie
My emotions have me paralysed
I need a remedy
Make me whom I supposed to be
Is it too late for regrets

Look in the mirror
Don't recognise what I see
The life in me is gone
Fear tormenting me
Guilt won't left me be
Feeling useless, invisible to the world

The undecided truth
I am the pretender
Living the lie concealing the truth
The great deceiver know to all men
Life consumer, the one unseen

When a man lies he murders some part of the world
These are the pale deaths which man miscall their lives
All this I cannot bear to witness any longer
Cannot the kindom of salvation take me home?
First that's not you.
Second. Is that a song? If yes what's the name?
Do not take my opinion as an aggressive message, everyone can have their own opinion.
My suggestions;New clan rank: Mayor,Multiple house owners,Outlaw,More friends list space (the texts are links).

¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Mirt
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:54 pm

Re: I must face myself

Post by Mirt » Mon Jun 29, 2020 10:07 pm

Barkley wrote:
Mon Jun 29, 2020 9:09 pm
Storms7 wrote:
Mon Jun 29, 2020 7:29 pm
The great deceiver known to all men
Life consumer, the one unseen
Poison running through my veins
A static mind, no control
Rules my every move

Nothing feels right
Pushed to the edge
Have I lost it all
I am about to break

Living a constant lie
My emotions have me paralysed
I need a remedy
Make me whom I supposed to be
Is it too late for regrets

Look in the mirror
Don't recognise what I see
The life in me is gone
Fear tormenting me
Guilt won't left me be
Feeling useless, invisible to the world

The undecided truth
I am the pretender
Living the lie concealing the truth
The great deceiver know to all men
Life consumer, the one unseen

When a man lies he murders some part of the world
These are the pale deaths which man miscall their lives
All this I cannot bear to witness any longer
Cannot the kindom of salvation take me home?
First that's not you.
Second. Is that a song? If yes what's the name?

Chain-Work Soul Lyrics
RESPECT, TRUST, Loyalty, FRIENDSHIP is all EARNED.

BUT can be destroyed by ONE ACTION
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