ryaca is broken

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ryaca_
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ryaca is broken

Post by ryaca_ » Mon Jul 29, 2019 3:40 am

Hello all.

As many of you know I am going thru a very difficult time.
My wife and I have separated and I am having a very hard time dealing with it.
Because I want to be fair to everyone in the FT community I am going to step down as a GM. I cannot and do not trust myself to make fair and unbiased decisions right now. I do not want to hurt my beloved FT in any way.
I want to thank all of you who have reached out to me by sending me a PM. I appreciate all of your kind words and support. I actually have received PMs from players that I have given good reason to not like me very much. I want to thank those players for putting our differences aside and giving me words of encouragement. I will never forget that. EVER.
For now I don't know what the future will bring for me. I want to play FT as a normal player and bring back some sort of normalcy back into my life. I am taking things one day at a time but I am a wreck and a mess. I am in hell. I cry constantly and uncontrollable even at work and I am in a great deal of pain. I may take a long vacation at work. I have about 120 hours vacation built up. These are the reasons that I am stepping down as a GM. I have no business making GM decisions right now and maybe not ever again. I don't want to look to far into the future. It hurts too much.
I have never felt so broken. I have never felt so defeated. I have never felt so alone. I thought I knew it all and I thought I had all the answers and I thought I had it made. I was so utterly and completely wrong. I didn't know anything. My world has been turned upside down and I am so confused. I am terrified and very scared right now. I am vulnerable. I am destroyed.

I want to thank every player and person in this community.

This is my last post as a GM.

One day at a time...
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SellSword
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by SellSword » Mon Jul 29, 2019 4:23 am

We will certainly be here when you may come around. Best wishes.
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LostKnight
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by LostKnight » Mon Jul 29, 2019 5:26 am

You have my PM.
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LordSeth
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by LordSeth » Mon Jul 29, 2019 7:16 am

I'm very sorry to see this my friend. I understand your pain and I understand your decision and I appreciate your responsable choice. I'm here if you need me my friend.
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Leone
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by Leone » Mon Jul 29, 2019 9:07 am

This must have been a tough decision, but it seems to be the right decision for you and that's what counts mate.
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Jessie Valdez
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by Jessie Valdez » Mon Jul 29, 2019 12:33 pm

I'm sorry to hear this Ryaca.
I support your decision to step down.
That you even took on the responsibility as GM is very big and courageous, I think that is a big step (We know how much time FT devours from our real life and sometimes we don't have that time to give).

We are only human and all people have a breaking point. You should take care of yourself. You should not care about anyone other than you. You should focus on finding things that make you happy and that you know will mean for you in your life.

In every crisis lies the seed of opportunity

I'm here in the forum if you just want to write with someone. Many hugs.
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proto_nuke
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by proto_nuke » Mon Jul 29, 2019 1:38 pm

I thank you all for your kind words. I realized today when I woke up that every person in this world is just trying to survive the best way that they know how. We are all trying to survive.
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Gullander
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by Gullander » Mon Jul 29, 2019 5:49 pm

Two things

One I have great hope for those who are transparent and honest with themselves. The door is open now for whatever you need. Keep your eyes open help may come in ways you didn't expect.

Two, it is true as Job says " man is born for troubles" but with each depth of sorrow there also exists a great depth of joy available. Seek joy, we sometimes do or don't have a hand in our troubles, so we do what we can and hope for better days.

I'm hoping with you as many others here in FT. Weeping lasts for the night but joy comes in the morning as surely as the dawn dispels the night. Take care of yourself there is only one you!
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proto_nuke
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by proto_nuke » Tue Aug 06, 2019 2:06 am

I'm starting to accept things now. At least it's a start.
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Leone
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Re: ryaca is broken

Post by Leone » Tue Aug 06, 2019 7:42 pm

A great start my mate.
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