I must face myself

As the description says!

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Storms7
Posts: 427
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Re: I must face myself

Post by Storms7 » Tue Jun 30, 2020 12:32 am

It is a combination of two songs by two different bands.

The first song is Chain Work Soul by Miseration. The album is Your Demons, Their Angels.

The last paragraph of lyrics is To Live Is To Die by Metallica.

Leone was right. It is from the album And Justice For All.
OK MAYBE I WILL USE THIS ACCOUNT EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE
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Dzip
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Location: Warsaw, Poland

Re: I must face myself

Post by Dzip » Tue Jun 30, 2020 2:13 am

Każdy ma swoje metody w pomocy oraz rozwiązywaniu problemów. Myślę nie było nic złego w sposobie pracy ani metodach, po prostu od jakiegoś czasu to jest zauważalne ze gracze się zmieniają i może coś im się nie podobać a oni tylko za blachostki będą się czepiać. Myślałem podobnie przez graczy bo serwer i chatoawanie to syf za przeproszeniem a to przez graczy ze swoimi przyzwyczajeniemi i trudnościami adresow IP. Jeśli to już twoja ostateczna decyzja to zrób to. Dla mnie byłeś jednym z najbardziej pomocnych moderatorów którzy potrafili znaleźć czas, i przede wszystkim próbowali. Próbuj dalej, Walcz dalej a będzie Ci dane!
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LostKnight
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Re: I must face myself

Post by LostKnight » Tue Jun 30, 2020 5:21 am

Ry,

You have the Subject right. You must face yourself. More importantly your: SELF! The guy you see when you close your eyes.

I have been exactly where you are right now. Thought I was the worst human being alive and was suspicious of what others though about me. I stomped my way through life, wreaking everything. When the time came to walk away from that it did not happen overnight, it took years. But I'm stubborn, I was NOT going back to that, I decided I did not like the pain and anguish.

The fact you wrote what you did and did so in a public forum where everyone can see it says a lot about you that you seem to have missed. You have the guts and fortitude to admit you were wrong and you are doing something to correct those wrongs. Strong people have walked away from admitting the things you admitted .

You are my friend. You always have been from my early days in FT. A pixel to pixel friend that has grown beyond that over time.

You have NOT failed. You tried, you recognized it was not for you, you stopped. That is not failure, that smart. And from your words in the OP I'm not only talking about being a GM.

Your OP shouts one thing above all else to me: YOU HAVE PRINCIPLES.
You went against your principles, for a long time according to you. So your anger and disgust at yourself are telling you to start believing that fact: YOU HAVE PRINCIPLES. Your SELF is trying to tell you the only way it knows how.

That's a good concrete fact to start with: YOU HAVE PRINCIPLES, stop going against them, you are better than that. Maybe you don't think so but the people that have responded to your post do.

The rest will come with time.

I agree with so much said here ... but Sayor's post strikes a cord with me. Revisit that post and come to believe it!
The sun will never set if you keep walking towards it. - my son
Being positive doesn't understand physics.
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leon6666
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Re: I must face myself

Post by leon6666 » Tue Jun 30, 2020 6:01 am

Si y no hay que olvidar que rayca también hace lo que quiere por poner un ejemplo ataca y mata jugadores sin que le den castigo digno si hay responsabilidad, compacion, honestidad y sobretodo liderazgo
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merisajan
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Re: I must face myself

Post by merisajan » Tue Jun 30, 2020 6:38 am

GM
Please come to the game
Scorpio's entertainment venue is empty You have a good level Maybe you can make it crowded and fun 😉😁Maybe your mood is be a little better 🤭
I drew a picture of you Please laugh and let's make the game crowded In the place of the scorpion. 💃🕺
Please ride your horse And tell me, why did you park your horse in the refrigerator?
🤭🤭🤭🐎
BeautyPlus_20200630084606293_save-1.jpg
BeautyPlus_20200630084606293_save-1.jpg (680.01 KiB) Viewed 574 times
BeautyPlus_20200630084623956_save-1.jpg
BeautyPlus_20200630084623956_save-1.jpg (425.37 KiB) Viewed 574 times
.
Where you go I go
What you see I see
I know I'd never be me
Without the security
Of your loving arms
Keeping me from harm
Put your hand in my hand
And we'll stand
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MadMikael
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Location: Windsor, Ontario, Canada (EST time zone)

Re: I must face myself

Post by MadMikael » Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:50 am

ryaca_ wrote:
Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:02 pm
a bunch of stuff in this colour, see page 1
What about that time you mention of me, when you said you were mean?
It's simple. I understood the feelings.

The trick to being GM isn't being the perfect person before you join - I sure as heck wasn't, and I'm still not.
The real trick is, when donning that mask, to set the example - even if it's not really you. Sometimes I was successful, sometimes I messed up.
But I owned my mistakes, just as you are now.

You must have done some good - you do have several speaking up for you here, and I'm willing to bet several in game. That should count for something.
But as you well know, this work takes a toll, and it's hard to always do the right thing.
You do what you feel is right for you, and don't let them pressure you too much into something you're not comfortable with. You can only torture yourself so much in the name of others. Find peace. If that means leaving the GM, and maybe FT for good, so be it.

Good luck, Ry.
RETIRED [GM] - Game Master

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Storms7
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Re: I must face myself

Post by Storms7 » Tue Jun 30, 2020 12:59 pm

I want to thank all of you who responded in this thread.

I read every post and have took all of those things to heart.

I could not handle the stress and the pressure that being a GM brought to me. witch said it best when she said that she felt like we GM's were a punching bag because of all of the abuse that we had to take as a GM.

I had to leave that role behind so that I could find peace like Madmikael said.

I know now that I have to know my limitations and that the GM role is not for me. I simply cannot handle it. Too much temptation to punish bad players in an extreme way and believe me, FT is being over run with bad players.

In closing I would like to say that I know that I am not a bad person. I am just going through a rough patch where I am questioning everything and looking inward at myself.

When I made this post, I meant to type a brief post saying that I was stepping down from the GM position. Once I started typing, I got so emotional that the words just kept flowing out of me. I needed to purge and vent and everything just came out.

Thank you all for reminding me that life is not over and I have the ability to be the person that I truly want to be.
OK MAYBE I WILL USE THIS ACCOUNT EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE
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witch
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Re: I must face myself

Post by witch » Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:44 pm

Ry , i want to thank you for all the work that you did as part of the team , you did a good job , thank you for your help and i miss you already .
I'ts really hard to hear how you talked about yourself and i just want to remind you that you are not a bad or evil person i saw the light in you , not all people want to help others ,as a regular player i heard people saying "we need more GMs " but nobody says "i'll apply for GM , i want to help " because not all have the courage or time to do what we do here , this is not an easy job and i'ts voluntary , passion to help players comes from inside , and look at you ,you formmed part of the team with the only purpose of helping players , that says a lot about you , we all have dark times and nobody it's perfect and i think that our past doesn't define us as a person, looking at our past and making the choice to be better and to learn from our mistakes is what define us as a person we can't change past but we can learn from it .
Once again thank you very much Ry \(^.^)/ for all your help !!!
Walking through the darkness, i shall not fear , the moon my light, my shadow is the only one that walks beside me and some stars guide my path .
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witch
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Re: I must face myself

Post by witch » Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:49 pm

merisajan wrote:
Tue Jun 30, 2020 6:38 am
GM
Please come to the game
Scorpio's entertainment venue is empty You have a good level Maybe you can make it crowded and fun 😉😁Maybe your mood is be a little better 🤭
I drew a picture of you Please laugh and let's make the game crowded In the place of the scorpion. 💃🕺
Please ride your horse And tell me, why did you park your horse in the refrigerator?
🤭🤭🤭🐎
BeautyPlus_20200630084606293_save-1.jpg
BeautyPlus_20200630084623956_save-1.jpg
Omg ! :lol: :lol: so funny ❣ !!
Walking through the darkness, i shall not fear , the moon my light, my shadow is the only one that walks beside me and some stars guide my path .
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Languages: English - Spanish
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Syor
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Re: I must face myself

Post by Syor » Tue Jun 30, 2020 9:03 pm

merisajan wrote:
Tue Jun 30, 2020 6:38 am
GM
Please come to the game
Scorpio's entertainment venue is empty You have a good level Maybe you can make it crowded and fun 😉😁Maybe your mood is be a little better 🤭
I drew a picture of you Please laugh and let's make the game crowded In the place of the scorpion. 💃🕺
Please ride your horse And tell me, why did you park your horse in the refrigerator?
🤭🤭🤭🐎
You are always number one!

😉😁😁😁
Freya Syor
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